Log in

20 September 2010 @ 06:20 pm
lols, it's been toooooo looonnggg. lol, i've transfered mostly to my tumblr. but that is connected to my fbook which = parents seeing my bullshit.

this = bad.

i've also taken up the habit of not using the shift button. capslock is still applicable, but only in cases of SHEER NEED.

like that. :)

errrrrr, so yeah. if there's something i really need to say in eeaaarrrnest that my parents cannot see (i.e., something about boys/things i haven't told them about/etc.) then it'll show up here.

not that there are too many people who care or anything. :)

been trying to get me a new phone and failing miserably all day. rogers = a bitch sometimes. sometimes.
right here;: homebase;
feels like;: annoyedannoyed
blaring speakers;: none;
16 December 2009 @ 07:14 pm
good moods bring about talkativity. here's me being talkative.

I AM IN A SUPER GOOD MOOD RIGHT NOW. holy crap. it feels like i've taken speed and e and like... meth all at the same time, but with none of the faggotry. WHAT IS THIS FAGGOT TREE? *insert rainbow tree here*.

RAWR. omg. i'm so hyper and random and wonderful and lovely and willing to do almost ANYTHING to express my sheer happiness. except continuing to be cold. my house is freezing. snow is pretty, but not so warm, yes?

GOSH. i'm starting every paragraph in capsrape. loving this muchly. NICOLE, WHEN YOU READ THIS... idk, i love you. you're pretty amazing, so whatever you say will be much cool and win. i am positive of this tidbit.

BAHAA. i'm going to read this later and like... pee myself or something. i feel like i'm being super ridiculous. i think i am. whaaaateverrr.

anywho, i loves you all, whoever might be reading this! continue to make the world wonderful! <3
right here;: homebase;
feels like;: bouncybouncy
blaring speakers;: fireflies; owl city
20 November 2009 @ 05:53 pm
So, I was listening to the radio on the way to school a couple days ago, and some popular, boring and overplayed song came on. I was prepared not to listen to it, like I do most songs like this, but before I tuned it out, a few certain lyrics caught my attention.

I forget what exactly they were, but they said something like "baby forgive me, cause we were meant to be"

What the hell is that? Seriously. You call that an apology? You call that an explanation?

Disgusting. If a guy gave that as a reason to forgive him, even if I was going to before, I wouldn't.

You belong together? How the hell can you know? And why is that at all a reason to forgive you? If we're meant to be, why did you do something to make me upset, huh? Belong together... What a flimsy argument. It's all philosophy, and everyone knows that that stuff doesn't exist. It can't. It's pure determinism, right there. The fact that we have a destiny, and there's nothing we can do to avoid it. You're condemning me to a life of not only being with you, but of dealing with your stupidity? I'll pass. And I'd dump you on your ass.

Roar. I am Beauty, and I will eats you. >:|

I'm gonna head bang to Nightwish to release my teenage angst. Excuse me.
right here;: homebase;
feels like;: discontentdiscontent
blaring speakers;: cadence of her last breath; nightwish
11 November 2009 @ 05:12 pm
I know, I know. It's been a while, hasn't it?

I blame NaNoWriMo, just fyi.

I've been thinking recently Well, I've been listening to music a lot while thinking, and I noticed that when I listen to music without paying close attention to the melody, my mind envisions it like a forcefield, like a protector. For example:

I was home alone recently, and when I'm home alone, I can't stand silences. I tend to leave the telly on downstairs so it's like my mum's home. But this time, idkw, but I didn't leave the telly on. So I was left with silence, and I was getting antsy, so I turned on my music. And when I couldn't hear the music behind me, I felt unprotected there. I felt vulnerable. It was weird. So I turned the music up, and I felt better.

It's the same at school when I'm walking through the halls listening to music. I take on the emotion or aura of the music I'm listening to, and use it to ignore the other people in the hallway, or in how I react to them (i.e. if I'm listening to Bye Bye Beautiful by Nightwish, I get fed up and push people. If I'm listening to Hakuna Matata from The Lion King, I say excuse me and smile at people I know).

Just something interesting I thought I'd share.

NaNo word count: 13,229/50,000 words.

right here;: homebase;
feels like;: grumpygrumpy
blaring speakers;: sally's song (instrumental); the nightmate before christmas
21 October 2009 @ 10:46 pm
One, quite horrendously terrible day. That's what today has been for me. I've cried three times today. And I feel like shit.

I miss a boy. I want to call him my boy, but I can't even do that. It can't be yours if it lives four Goddamned hours away from you.

I miss him lots. And I'd like to message him on facebook, but the pussy in me denies this. Ahh, the life of being a complete waste of space.

Excuse me while I go cry some more.

nikitembo ... I love you? <3

feels like;: jealousjealous
16 October 2009 @ 12:16 am
Oh, My Life is Average. You make my insomniac nights day?

Got my lights fixed today.

*falls asleep on keyboard*

feels like;: sleepysleepy
blaring speakers;: i promise you walls; shiny toy guns
08 October 2009 @ 03:56 pm
My little sister was up at 3:00 this yesterday morning throwing up. We still don't know why. Some ridiculous twenty-four hour bug. But this is not the issue, of course.

So, three weeks ago now, I got unbelievably sick. I might as well have coughed up a fucking lung; I was so dead. I wanted to like... cease to exist. It started getting better around the middle of the week, but then it got worse again. My mum freaked out, thought it might be swine flu. Three hours in a waiting room (where I probably would have caught swine flu, if not, spread it even more) and a doctor's visit later, I was prescribed Nasonex and told to take Advil Cold & Sinus if my sinuses began to get worse.

Figuring that this was the end, I happily went to my grandmother's shin-dig with the fam-damn-ily, her "partner" and his family. He supplied Boston Pizza. And don't get me wrong, I love BP. But something was definitely up with those pizzas. On the drive home, I began to feel progressively worse. I got home and raced to the toilet, falling asleep on the bathroom floor, which is what I do whenever I feel like I'm going to/have been sick. I never did throw up, but I felt like shit for three straight days. So for a good week and a half, I didn't eat a morsel. Not that I'm complaining. I could always bear to lose a few pounds (do not confuse this with anorexia or I WILL find you and hurt you).

What really bugs me is my self-named diagnosis of Affective Munchausen's Disorder. IDEK if that makes any sense, but I will explain further. Munchausen's is a disorder where the patient takes various dangerous doses of medication/poisons/etc. to simulate the symptoms of diseases to satisfy their need for attention/sympathy/affection/and so on. There is Munchausen's By Proxy, where the patient projects these symptoms onto another (through the same use of medication, etc.), generally a mother onto their child, for the same purposes. But this is not what I mean by "affective." I mean that I see the symptoms and manifestation of an illness/virus in those around me, and convince myself that I have caught it the minute I know it's around.

For example, my little sister. I slept right through her little episode, and woke up in the morning with high spirits, ready for the day. But as I was getting ready to go downstairs, Mim spoke up:

Mim: Hey, Beauty?
Beauty: heading downstairs Yeah, Mim?
Mim: Never mind.
Beauty: No, what? (this was a particularly bad decision...)
Mim: Well, I would suggest brushing your teeth in the downstairs bathroom. And you should step over Smallish Bear on your way in.
Beauty: proceeds to feel her stomach begin roiling Oh... Why?
Mim: She's been throwing up since three this morning.
Beauty: groans and passes on eating breakfast

Yes. I went to school that day, and felt like poop the entire day. I still don't feel 100% yet. And that's pissing me out royally.

I really just want to punch someone in the face right now. D:

right here;: homebase;
feels like;: sicksick
blaring speakers;: evacuate the dance floor; cascada